Monday, April 18, 2011

O - is for ORGASM

Ooooo!  I can hear ya from here. "What kind of brazen hussy writes about the "O" word on her blog!"   My answer, "THIS, brazen hussy does."

You see, I have been happily, and VERY satisfactorily married, to the same man for over 22 years and if anybody is qualified to write about the "O" word it is me.  So, buckle up kids and please keep you hands inside the vehicle at all times.

Recently, I had the opportunity to spend some time with a group of younger women.  They were talking about their children, their joys and troubles, and their husbands.  Eventually the conversation turned to their personal satisfaction with their husbands and the "O" word came up.  Yes, women do talk about such things these days.

For once, I just kept my mouth shut and my ears open.  I was shocked to hear how many of them considered "bedroom time" with their husbands to be a chore, one which they dreaded and certainly did not enjoy.  I was even more disappointed to learn that many of them blamed this solely on their partners.  They seemed to take no personal responsibility whatsoever for their situation.

After a while I could keep silent no longer, so I began asking questions.  My first question was, "Have you ever discussed this with you significant other?  The majority of them answered no.

HELLO LADIES!! - Believe it or not, your man is NOT a mind reader, nor was he born knowing what you need and want.  YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM.  If he is not doing something the way you want it done...TELL HIM.  If he is doing something you don't care for...TELL HIM.  He can not do any better if he doesn't know any different. 

My second question was, "What do you do to prepare for the moment?"  They looked at me like I was from the moon.

LADIES - Women need mental and emotional stimulation, as much, if not more, than physical.  Men, for the most part, are very visual and physical beings.  We, on the other hand, are mental and emotional beings.  YOU NEED TO PREPARE YOUR MIND.

For example, unless you are just the most beautiful woman on the planet, presenting yourself to your guy in a ratty old T shirt, that has 2 days worth of baby spit up on it, with your hair slicked back in a ponytail, and your fuzzy slippers that the dog uses as chew toys, is not quite setting the tone for a romantic encounter if ya get my drift.  You have to make time to relax and get your mind right.

Create some YOU time.  Take a nice relaxing bubble bath with a yummy scent that relaxes you.  Slather yourself in your favorite lotion.  Notice how soft your skin feels.  Fluff up your hair.  Primp a little until you FEEL desirable.  It will make a huge difference and your man will appreciate it too.  And although your guy will appreciate it, you are doing this for YOU.

While you're in there, spend some time thinking about the things you love about your partner.  Do NOT allow negative thoughts to enter your mind.  Focus on the positive things.  Maybe it's the blue of his eyes or the way his hair curls at the nape of his neck.  Maybe it's the way his voice sounds or the touch of his hand.  Whatever it is that first attracted you to him, dwell on these things.

My third question was, "Are you engaged in the moment?"  In other words, are you giving or just taking?  Do you engage yourself in the moment, or are you just hanging out there, like a bump on a log, waiting for all of the stars to align, the planets to spin and the fireworks to explode?  You gotta get in there and do your part gals!  Don't expect your partner to do all of the work, ENGAGE YOURSELF.

My Mama used to tell me you are only going to get out of something what YOU PUT INTO IT.  That goes for love, friendships, marriage, and the "O" word.  If you don't put 100% into it then don't expect to get 100% out of it.  The person who carries the biggest responsibility for you finding satisfaction in your love life is YOU.  (I sure wish I could share this with those young ladies who wanted to blame their husbands for everything.)



  2. Lovely my dear. I agree with you. I also think that a lot of women have many misconceptions about sex and their bodies because unless they run into someone like you (or me!) they have been told over and over again that to enjoy their bodies, to be sexual is a bad thing. Therefore, speaking their mind in the bedroom seems taboo.

  3. this is where foreplay, core play and more play come into it before the rockets fire.
    Those gals need to get a book called " She comes First" by Ian Kerner PhD. They'll learn a few things about their own anatomy and can talk to their guys in man terms about what they want.

  4. Thank you, mistress:) Great advice!