Wednesday, April 6, 2011
F - is for FEMALE!!
So... as I was trying to think of a "F" word to write about, several came to mind but I am determined to keep this blog clean:) And to think, I could have really written some spicy stuff on that other "F" word but... I digress. After much deliberation, I finally decided to write about something that's appropriate for all audiences and that is being female. You see, I have been a female all of my life and I've gotten pretty dang good at it. Let me share with you my experience on being female. Follow me, dahlin.
Being a female, in particularly a Southern female, is one of the most exciting things I can ever imagine being. Now naturally I don't have any experience at being a male, so my point of comparison is pretty narrow, but that's fine by me. You see, I LIKE my soft feminine skin, my rounded curves and my girlie voice. I like that men open doors for me and say yes ma'am and tell me when I look pretty. I enjoy long, candlelit bubble baths and painting my toenails. I love makeup and scented lotions and soaps. In short, I LOVE getting scrubbed and buffed and powdered and puffed. In short, short I just like lookin' "gawjus", BUT...now dahlin, you know there's always a but comin'...
Being a descendant of a long line of G.R.I.T.S. (that's Girls Raised In The South for all you Yankees), is much more than bubble baths and pink toenails. Being grits means learning how to grab a catfish out of an underwater barrel or log with you bare hands. It means learning to turn a bull into a steer and feed baby calves from a bottle. When you're grits you find out where bacon comes from and that fried chitterlings, or chitlins, as we call 'em down south, once had pig poop in them. You know this because you helped clean them. You cleaned them because Great Grandmama Gertie loved her fried chitlins and you loved Grandmama Gertie. You got those pretty pink toenails and fingernails dirty digging potatoes in the garden and shelling purple hull peas. And believe me, nothing takes that purple off. It just has to wear off.
Most grits learn how to shoot a gun before they go to school and drive a truck through a mud hole, door deep, before they're big enough to see over the steering wheel. We can skin and gut most any animal but prefer to leave that to our big strong men because it makes 'em feel all manly and stuff. We can fight and spit chewing tobacco and hit a home run, all without hardly breaking a sweat. And by the way, grits don't sweat, we just get dewey. Yep. It's true:)
So, ladies and gents, yes, I am soft and girlie on the outside, but when I have to be, or need to be, I am solid steel on the inside. Don't ever doubt it. I am proud to be a female and I am proud to be a girl raised in the south!! And by the way, the spellchecker on this here program didn't even recognize the word chitterlings. What's up with that! Geez!